the pain of death
by mindpearl
Summary: three months after atem leaves, yugi finally commits suicide. what will happen on the other side? blind/puzzleshipping
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh (if I did tea and Tristan wouldn't exist)

I also don't own pantomime horse costumes or friendship necklaces (actually I do own one half, but that's not the point)

_*~unnoticed~*_

Tea and Tristan simply were not smart.

They couldn't notice anything that wasn't pointed out to them; even then you'd have to use _small_ words. Joey sighed, and _he_ was supposed to be the thick one!

"I keep telling you he's fine Joey," tea told him whilst she was packing up her books "it took him a while but everyone's coping fine now."

"Uh yea, what she said!"

"Tea d'ya really think I'd be sayin' this if he wasn't ok?" Joey was trying to use small words, though it probably didn't make much difference, like most teenagers tea and Tristan's brains switched off at the sound of the school bell. "I think he needs some help"

Tea turned to him with an exasperated expression and was about to say something when Yugi ran up to them.

"Hey guys, what ya talking about?" he asked, his usual smile spread across his face, though if you looked closely you'd notice the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Huh? Oh yea, the new cards are comin' out today!" Joey grinned, speaking of duel monsters, how long had it been since they'd had a duel? Three months? "How 'bout we have a duel later?"

"Oh err right…" Yugi's fake smile faded slightly "I've got some new combinations I was going to try…"

"Yea, yea I'm still gonna beat ya" Joey ruffled the younger teen's hair.

"Umm…I gotta go, grandpa won't be able to handle the new merchandise on his own!" Yugi ran off as quickly as before. Joey ran a hand thorough his own hair, feeling exhausted just watching Yugi run around like a hamster on caffeine*

"You comin' tea?"

"Uh…no not today-"

"Dance practice" Joey and Tristan said at the same time, rolling their eyes.

"Yup! Don't wanna be late!" she swung her bag over her shoulders and dashed off. Tristan and Joey watched her turn the corner before turning around and heading for the kame game shop.

"Now I know why we let her hang out with us." Tristan smirked; Joey raised his eyebrow at his friend's random comment.

"Hmmmm?"

"Uh…um…I mean…" Tristan stuttered he was clearly blushing.

"Come on loverboy!" Joey sniggered "we don't wan' ya ta go all soft on tea"

"I'm n- I don-" Tristan was having difficulty stringing two words together and his blush was as red as a slifer with sunburn, it was so blatantly obvious. The silence was only interrupted when they stepped inside the shop.

"Well hello boys, I'm afraid Yugi's not here yet so-" Yugi's grandpa greeted them

"Whaaa? Waddya mean?" Joey exclaimed "we saw him set off before us! He should be 'ere by now!"

"Oh well, maybe he got sidetracked, you know what he's like!" Solomon chuckled.

* * *

Solomon Mouto was too trusting.

If he wasn't so naïve to think Yugi had merely gotten sidetracked he would uncover a lot of unsavoury acts his grandson had committed. Everyone else was naïve enough to think someone had challenged Yugi to a duel or he was simply running late on such occasions… so naïve.

Innocent little Yugi Mouto would never break the law.

But Yugi wasn't so innocent anymore.

Around the corner from domino high, Yugi took out a needle from his pocket and injected himself in the arm. A sharp burst of pain was replaced by a blissed out feeling

"Ahhhh…" Yugi sighed as he closed his eyes contentedly "maybe…"

He had become accustomed to this particular drug, unlike the ones he had tried before; it relieved all of the pain the regular beatings gave him. Being beaten up gave him a sense of normality, in truth most things had returned to how they used to be before Atem left, well unless you count the screaming hordes of fangirls.

After the acid trip** he stood up from where he had fallen and brushed himself down. What would his friends think if they knew what he was doing? He smirked; they never did understand anything about him. If you asked anyone about Yugi they would say he was kind considerate and loyal, however he only acted that way because he was scared of being alone. Being alone like before he had friends. In those days even Joey would barely recognise him.

In middle school he slit his wrist so bad he had to go to hospital…twice. The scars are still there, even whiter than his already pale skin. Everyone stayed away from him since then, so no one even tried to look past his strange appearance, passing him off as a freak.

* * *

In the time it took to walk back to the game shop he formulated a plausible excuse. An expert liar and an even better actor concealed his despicable acts from his friends and family so they never asked. Everything was 'how was your day at school?' or 'have you done your homework?' lovely normal conversations, the type of questions that want sugar-coated answers.

"Yuge! Where the hell were ya?" Joey yelled as soon as Yugi opened the door, Yugi blushed.

"I hope I didn't keep you guys waiting!" he smiled a well practiced apologetic smile "those fan girls sure are determined!"

"Blimey Yuge! What did they do to ya? You're shakin' like a leaf!"

"Huh?" he was trembling all over ('damn! Why did the Side effects have to start now?' Yugi silently cursed) "did I mention the hordes of yaoi fangirls?"

Tristan and Joey shook their heads in sympathy and understanding. It wasn't a complete lie though, Yugi had been caught by an avid yaoi fangirl who wanted him to act out her fantasies (*shiver*).

They didn't suspect a thing….

But then neither did his teachers, or the media.

When he started wearing armbands no one batted an eyelid. When he started looking pale no one said anything. When he started showing up late for classes people dismissed it. When he started bringing in homework late no one noticed.

No one saw the fits, heard the nightmares, saw the scars or unravelled the lies. Joey had his suspicions but they were without evidence.

Yugi was slowly killing himself, by every means he could.

Smoking, drugs, alcoholism, self harm, practically asking bullies, poison, trying to get run over by speeding vehicles, hanging himself, starving himself or trying to find a seal of orichalcos, he'd done it all.

He just felt so empty and lonely inside, every night he could feel that space inside him. It was like his body was a pantomime horse costume*** and one of the actors was missing, leaving him to drag around the excess material. It was like one of those friendship necklaces that came in two parts**** together they made a heart, alone they just looked odd.

'I wonder if he can feel it too…'

* * *

* If you've ever had a hamster, times its energy level by 9000! (Lol just had to say that.)

** Idk what it is, I don't take drugs, and basically he saw some freaky hallucinations and stuff (oh don't do drugs (cuz atem says so) or any of the suicide methods I mentioned please)

*** You know what I mean, so Yugi is the back end of the horse costume and Atem is the head part (oh no he isn't! actually I'm not even gonna start on that)

**** so there are sets of two necklaces and the pendants on each of the necklaces form a heart when you put them together, (one half usually says 'best' and the other half says 'friends' or something like that) alone they still look ok but a bit wrong if you ask me, it looks like heartbreak or something.

Btw grandpa hasn't noticed because he's getting a bit old and his senses aren't what they used to be (plus Yugi's downright lying to him)

These are my opinions you don't have to accept them.

Reviews would be nice.


	2. Chapter 2

*~so close, it's almost tangible~*

These people are idiots

It was the third time that day that Atem sighed in exasperation, why couldn't these people make decisions for themselves? They asked him for advice on everything and anything! They couldn't even decide to have brown or white rice if they wanted to!

"My pharaoh? What is wrong?" asked one of the council whom he hadn't bothered to learn the names of yet.

"Ah, nothing, I was just thinking…"

Yes you were thinking of Yugi. Yes you missed him, but how in Ra's name would a dead person get back to the world of the living? It was like in a shonen manga Yugi liked to read*, apparently you could only go back to the living world if you killed yourself in the world of the dead, that couldn't happen, your people need you. It's not about you anymore like it used to be, no one can read your thoughts like he used to, and more importantly, you're certainly not in domino anymore. He reminded himself of these facts every waking minute.

It's not smart to ask

"Ow, fuck..." Yugi hissed as Joey lightly punched him on the arm. Joey was shocked, he'd never heard Yugi swear before and he hadn't really punched him that hard, it was just a joke.

"Are you alright?" tea asked, worry creasing her brow.

"y-yeah, I'm fine…" his eyes fell on the bullies that were waiting for him, cracking their knuckles (and no doubt sharpening their knives, although they'd deny it when the police came to call) "umm…I really have to go…I have an appointment with someone…"

He headed in the direction of the menacing teens, his friends obliviously waving good bye.

"So what'll it be today, king of the pains?" said a girl who spoke in such a deep voice you might have mistaken her for a boy except her low-cut top said otherwise.

"Do your worst." Yugi said with a smirk, fearlessly closing his eyes and outstretching his arms. Soon enough he felt the sticky warm feeling of blood trickling from a gash on his forehead and his legs were beginning to fail. "Is that all you've got? I'm still standing after five minutes and there are four of you, tch"

"You bastard! Who do you think you are?" yelled a guy with an acid green Mohawk and piercings.

"I've had worse punches from Mokuba you weaklings" Yugi jeered his face contorting into a sick smile as he sucked up the blood from his split lip. They resumed beating him with more energy after being insulted as if to prove a point.

He could barely walk home. He still had a dreamy smile on his face though it hurt like hell.

"Now it could be the drugs talking, or the concussion," he muttered happily "but I feel closer than ever.

* Anyone who guesses the manga/anime gets a super special mention

Any ideas on a new title? My brother named this story and he's eight years old (me and my unimaginative family)

Any ideas about anything?

Sorry it's so short; I have major exams coming up, but thank you reviewers.

I do intend to make the next chapter longer to make up for it.


	3. Chapter 3

Tea bashing time!

~*motivation?*~

It was gradually getting colder day by day, some people were already planning what to get for Christmas*. But Yugi was losing his grip on reality, he was increasing the amount of drugs he took and how long his 'appointments' lasted for. He was also not eating anything. It was snowing now and Yugi was getting ready for his date.

"Hmmm…." He pulled at his baggy shirt "I'm sure it's not meant to be this baggy…"

It was literally hanging off him, but he shrugged it off as someone accidentally putting the dryer on the wrong setting.

"Yugi!" Solomon yelled from downstairs "tea's here!"

"Right! I'll be right there!" he hastily brushed his hair and laced his trainers. Tea was dressed rather shamelessly in a skirt that looked so short he could probably see her panties if he looked close enough. Yugi had been dating tea for two months, he had thought it would take his mind off things, it didn't. He still found her quite attractive, but he could also see her many flaws, for example; her friendship speeches, her obsessive tendencies, her controlling nature and her (what he thought to be) rather sluttish dress sense. "Hi tea!"

"Oh hey, you ready?" Yugi nodded, then she took his arm and forcefully dragged him out of the shop. They went to the lake as usual and tea tried to…well I'll leave that to you.

"Yugi you're really thin!" she exclaimed "I can feel all the bones in your body!"

"Really? It must be your imagination," Yugi lied

"Come to think of it, you haven't been eating with us in the canteen…" she thought aloud "you should really eat something…"

"Haven't I already said? I'm perfectly fine!" he said loudly pulling her arm off him

"Yugi, you know if something's bothering you, you can always come to me abo-"

"Look I said I'm fine tea! Now go home and leave me alone!" he yelled in her face. She gasped at his rather unusual outburst.

"Fine then! Yugi Mouto consider yourself dumped!" she stood up and flounced off, her nose turned up in distain. He shivered; half regretting making her upset, but then again it would make what he was trying to do easier. He stood up and shook the snow out of his hair, trudging off to wherever his legs took him.

They automatically took him to the arcade; one of the gang's most frequented haunts. In fact, Joey and Tristan were in there playing slots at that very moment.

"Hey Yuge! Fancy seein' you 'ere" Joey called over to him

"Oh hi Joey," Yugi sat at the machine next to him

"Why the long face?"

"Hmmm? Oh, tea just dumped me." Yugi said dismissively, Tristan and Joey looked at him in shock.

~*in Joey's miiiind!*~

Are we speaking the same language here? Surely we can't be talking about the same tea, the one Yuge's been drooling over since…like forever? How come he's not more upset? If I was dating some girl I was head over heels for, I'd be waaay more upset than that if I got dumped!

I mean are we even talking about the same Yuge? The one who's so sweet he gives girls cavities? He wouldn't do anything mean to tea, would he?

Oh I got it now! Tea was moving too fast for him and he said no! That's gotta be it! I mean tea's nice and all but I wouldn't date her for a million bucks, she's so damn controlling, she wants her own way all the time. Yeah that's the answer I'm certain!

~*okay out of Joey's mind before everyone turns Brooklyn*~

Now that Joey had snapped out of it Tristan asked

"So why man?"

"She was being annoying," he said in a small voice "so I yelled at her…"

"What'd ya yell?" Joey couldn't believe his ears

"I told her to go away…" he sighed looking at the ceiling, which was in fact infested with man eating spiders (but that's not really relevant is it?)

"whoa, not good!" Tristan sympathised

"hey, at least she was direct about it!" he smiled (the smile still not warming his eyes) "yugi mouto, consider yourself dumped! Hmf!" he said in a high girlish voice, turning his face away in a pout for extra effect. Joey and Tristan held their aching sides.

"brutal man," Tristan said resting a consoling hand on yugi's shoulder whilst he wiped away his tears of laughter.

They laughed and joked that day, but nothing could have prepared them for the fateful day ahead.

Dun dun duuun!

Lol I like bashing tea, I think she's the worst character in yugioh.

Yes he's gonna die in the next chapter all you morbid people chanting. (I hear the suicide fans chanting 'die die die kill him off, we wanna see Atem')

*people but Christmas prezzies in November now I hear!


	4. Chapter 4

*sob, cry, sniffle* I'm so sorry you guys I didn't forget about you just RL and bad ideas hit me.

I know what you're gonna say

You: it's been like months and you haven't updated! You can't expect me to take you back now! *heads for the door*

Well, my response to that is

Me:*clinging to your legs* please noooo! Don't leave meee!

And then hopefully…

You: *folds arms* fine, I'll read your stupid fanfiction.

Aaaand sorry guys but this thing has a mind of it's own, it's not going anywhere near where I wanted it to be *pouts*

* * *

*~I'm dying in a winter wonderland~*

"r-right, everything's settled…" yugi trembled "it's gonna be f-fine…all my troubles'll be g-gone…" he eyed up the pile of snow.

Oh my, am I really gonna die? Wow that rhymed, better go write that down…

"no. no way are you chickening out now yugi!" he said to himself, slapping his hollow cheeks. He lay down and began to pile the snow on top of his freezing body.

Death by hypothermia, and no one who even notice he was gone.

"I chose the cleanest, least e-expensive and w-weirdest way to go…" he chuckled to himself "I wonder if suicide can be an art f-form?"

In his last moments, he thought of joey, Tristan, his mother and grandpa. He thought about seto Kaiba and Mokuba, Rebecca and malik* and worst of all tea and atem.

"I wonder if they'll forgive me?" he whispered with tears coursing down his frozen cheeks as he thought of the letters stashed in his puzzle-box along with his deck and choker.

* * *

*riiing, riiing*

"hello this is the kame game store?" Solomon mouto picked up the phone

"hey gramps, is yugi there? He was meant ta come ta burgerworld half hour ago…" joey was on the other end of the phone, ryou and Tristan could be heard talking in the background.

"he's not here I'm afraid, I think he must've got sidetracked by one of his crazy fangirls again!" the old man laughed, joey snorted.

"ah well, ya know how devoted he is ta his fans. I bet he gets mobbed every time he even steps out the door!"

"too right he does, I'll have to get my shovel out to clear away all the screaming girls, never mind the snow!"

"'kay the bye!"

"bye joey."

* * *

A little girl was playing in domino park with her brother, throwing snowaballs at him and at every opportunity hiding as not to be pelted by snow herself. She threw a barrage of snow at her brother then ducked behind an especially large pile of snow. She tried to look over the top of the snow pile to see if her brother's ammunition had run out but her vision was obstructed by a hand sticking out of the snow*.

"ahhhh!"

All the people who were in the park at the time turned to see why she was screaming and gasped.

"goodness gracious!"

"is there someone in there?"

"quick call the ambulance!"

"and the police!"

* * *

* if you've seen jaws where there's a creepy hand sticking out of the sand, think of that, and think of how expensive this poor little kid's therapy is gonna be.

Sorry for the shortness, I literally had to lock myself in this room until I finished it for my lovely reviewer(s?) who told me to kick my ass into gear.

Thankyou and virtual cookies to all!


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry orz but here's an extra long (?) chapter for you to make up. Thanks for sticking with me.

**WARNING**

The following chapter is relatively gory (well I hope it's at least a little bit disgusting) in parts so if you don't like the mention of blood or guts, skip this chapter. The next chapter won't be gory. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Also this chapter is about the afterlife, I've combined some of my beliefs with real Ancient Egyptian beliefs so if you intend to complain that it's not fitting with your beliefs and ideals, go away these are my beliefs not yours.

* * *

*~into the darkness~*

When Yugi woke up, he was in a strange place. It was pitch black and freezing cold.

"w-where is this?" his quiet voice echoed in the darkness, everything else was eerily quiet. When no one answered, Yugi decided the best thing to do was to get up and search for anything that might hint at where he was.

Considering it was so dark that he couldn't even see his hands in front of his face, moving around didn't help.

After a while he started to notice an unfamiliar scent, it was strong and made it hard to breathe without wanting to throw up. It smelled like mould, rust, dust, blood and mud all rolled into one. Yugi fell to the ground gasping for air, longing to be somewhere without this stifling stench.

Unexpectedly he fell on something soft, rather than the cold floor or wherever it was. He poked the squishy thing he had fallen on and was thankful it didn't move, though he still didn't know what it was he was pretty sure the smell was coming from it.

"Yugi Mutou." light illuminated the room, revealing it to be a large and high-ceilinged white walled room. The person who had spoken with such a resounding voice stood at the opposite end of the room to Yugi. The person had long black hair which blocked their face and wore pristine white full-length robes so he couldn't determine whether they were male or female. "Follow me if you wish to leave this place."

At first Yugi was unsure of whether to follow the robed person, as although their voice was gentle it had a slightly malicious edge to it.

But then he looked down to the floor and screamed.

He had fallen on top of a mutilated corpse.

It was the corpse of a red-haired woman whose face was destroyed beyond recognition, though her green staring eyes still looked up at him unseeingly from what might once have been her eye sockets. Her mouth looked as if contorted into a twisted parody of a smile though without her teeth and tongue, dried blood coated her gums dribbled past her dead lips. Her dress though ripped mercilessly still thankfully covered her modesty, but it was covered in blood, bile and probably other bodily fluids that Yugi didn't want to think about. She was missing an arm and several toes, also all her finger and toenails were missing and her legs bent into a position that would not have been possible unless the majority of her leg-bones were smashed.

"Yugi Mutou, please decide now." the figure sounded slightly impatient as Yugi hurried to obey, wanting more than anything to get away from the corpse. A door slid open next to him revealing another room, this time it was more expensively decorated, the walls carved with hieroglyphics were probably solid gold!

The robed person led Yugi to the huge set of golden scales in the centre of the room.

Around the walls of the room sat 42 other robed figures and they were all staring at him. He was embarrassed to find he wasn't wearing any clothes, though nobody seemed to notice or care.

"On one side of the scales rests the feather of truth, on the other will rest your heart." the robed figure that had led him here, thrust their hand into Yugi's chest.

"Gah!" he yelled in shock as the robed person tore out his heart. The others laughed. Surprisingly the wound healed over almost immediately; there wasn't even any blood or scarring.

His heart was placed on the scales, the hooded people ooh-ing with anticipation as the scales tipped a little to balance itself. Yugi became aware of the smirking creature snarling beside him, it's crocodile head swayed from side to side impatiently, as did it's hippopotamus tail.

The scales came to rest.

It seemed as if everyone in the room was holding their breath, waiting for judgement to be passed, the silence was stifling.

The heart was slightly lighter than the feather.

Several people clapped in congratulations and the silence was broken. The figure next to the scales turned to Yugi, removing its hood. The person, although humanoid in appearance, bore the head of a jackal and was adorned with golden jewellery.

"Yugi Mutou," the jackal headed god, Anubis, boomed "you have lead an honest life, your heart will not be devoured." the growling monster who had been snapping at Yugi's heels since he entered the room, was led away by another robed figure.

"However," someone stood up from their seat "you have committed a sin, in taking your own life you have denied yourself some of the basic comforts of the afterlife."

"What?" Yugi gasped, he had never thought of anything like this, he had only wanted an easy escape.

"To atone for your sins, you will be cast out into the desert; with no recollection of your past lives." they continued "your memories may return in time, but only when you have earned them."

"No!" Yugi cried. He didn't want to forget, he wanted to keep the memories of his loved ones especially. Now he would never be able to see Atemu again!

"Silence! You cannot change our judgement; your new path has been decided." Anubis bellowed

"No! please I didn't mean t-" Yugi couldn't finish his sentence because, as he spoke the room seemed to melt away before his eyes like wet paint, and he was left alone in the desert.

* * *

Please review, it means a lot to me. I hope you enjoyed it.


	6. Chapter 6

~abandoned and lost~

It felt like he had been stuck in the same patch of sand dunes no matter how long he walked for or how fast he ran. There was nothing around to remind him of who he was or even where he was. The crippling despair and loneliness consumed him as he trekked on and on hoping that he was in fact on the same planet as other people. So many days and nights had gone by without a glimpse of anything interesting that he'd lost count.

His throat dry and sorer than if it had been sandpapered, his body weak from exhaustion, starvation and sunburn he had no idea why he kept walking forwards. There was something pulling him, perhaps it was destiny or maybe it was just basic instinct dragging him in the direction of some vague slightly-taller-and-more-uniformly-shaped dunes. Through the heat haze of his surroundings he was able to confirm that no they were in fact not dunes at all, but rather small huts! He would have wept with joy if he had been able to, finally at the edge of a hopefully hospitable civilisation.

Attempting to run, his legs buckled beneath him, earning him a mouthful of sand. He decided he wouldn't try it again, walking at a more sedate pace which didn't cause him injury. It felt like hours trudging towards this oasis, but worth it when he finally set foot in the tiny village.

Whispers followed him as he walked straight through the 'road' that was really just the gaps between huts on either side in the centre of the village. Very few people had skin as pale as he did, theirs already tanned from working under the sun or naturally darker, only the ill who didn't venture outside (or stay alive very long for that matter) looked like that. Some people were concerned, muttering 'that poor boy, his time is almost up', others steered their children away from him and crossed to the other side of the street. Yugi didn't care enough to listen only hoping to find some water or food or something so he might survive.

* * *

"And there you go..." Solomon Mouto handed over two starter decks to the eager boys waiting on the other side of the counter who squealed in delight, high-fived each other and ran out of the shop leaving their mother to pay the bill. The woman sighed smiling fondly after the boys, Solomon chuckled. "Sorry but I don't think you'll get them to calm down for a while!"

"I know but whatever keeps them happy right?" she handed over the money to pay. Solomon was about to reply when the phone rang. The woman left anyway, giving a thankful glance at the shopkeeper for his discount and shutting the door carefully.

"Hello? This is Solomon Mouto speaking."

"I'm sorry Mr Mouto but we would like you to come over to the police station right away." A stern voice said on the other side of the line. Solomon was slightly alarmed by the officer's urgency, he was often called to bail Joey out of their cells due to minor offences but he had never had a call quite like this before.

"W-what for?"

"We need you to identify a body."


End file.
